Known as the "Good Girl Syndrome", the desire to please can be a dangerous trait for your mental health. We can explain why here!

Always willing to help people, never saying "no", to think of others first. In the eyes of our society, all these attitudes seem commendable and examples to be followed. But what is the limit of kindness?
The compulsive need to please others has a name: "Good Girl Syndrome". The term was coined by psychology doctor Harriet B. Braiker in a book of the same name. This behaviour can be harmful from the moment it generates an excessive concern to meet the expectations of others, neglecting their own wants and needs.
Those who have these characteristics often cannot say no. However, the consequence of always focusing on the desires of others is that that this person ends up going over their own needs, sometimes wearing themselves out too much or acting against their own interests. It is an inability to put limits on the other, and have a pathalogical hyper-availability.
The causes usually come from some absences during childhood. It could be a lack of affection, care and love. What makes this person, in adult life, want to 'buy' the love of the other? This addiction to approval is based on a permanent fear of the possibility of being rejected, abandoned or that the other may not like you.

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The "Boazinha Syndrome" extends to different areas, and can affect personal, social, love and professional life. Sometimes, these people may experience physical symptoms when facing a situation of coping or having to say no, tachycardia, stuttering, sweating and shortness of breath.
Among the signs of the syndrome are: the fear of displeasing and, with that, being rejected or abandoned; difficulty saying no; physical, mental and emotional exhaustion due to the accumulation of commitments and tasks; constant need for approval; non-confrontational posture; difficulty making criticisms (even constructive ones); omission in the face of injustice.

For those who see themselves like this, there are tips to change this pattern of behaviour. Put yourself in the focus of the narrative: One of the ways to start practicing saying no with more assertivness is to talk about yourself and not about the other, be it a person, an event or a task. For example: "I don't feel comfortable going to the party", "I don't have time to finish the project today". In this way, your position is not interpreted as criticism, but as a delicate way of exposing your situation, always in first person.

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A common expression nowadays that partly represents this phenomenon is the 'people pleaser' which is different from the 'gentle' person who often comes from a low self-esteem and passivity, in a desire to be noticed, where often the pleasing goes even more to the one who rejects, or who the person sees as "more". A kind of appreciation of precisely who the person recieves less attention, for example.
In any case, it is an attitude towards life and others that generates suffering, or a superficial attachment.

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Psychologist Daniela Faertes is a graduate of the Pontifical Catholic University of Rio de Janeiro (PUC-Rio), is a specialist in cognitive therapy and harmful behavior change. She is currently Director of Espaço Ciclo in Rio de Janeiro, lecturer and clinical supervisor and supervisor of Study Groups in Cognitive Therapy. She collaborates with L&#39;Officiel Brasil with her look at the universe of wellness and women&#39;s mental health.

Difficulty Saying "No"? Learn More About the Compulsion to Please

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